SELECTED CHAPTER TITLES

Here’s a sample of what’s in store...

Bret Maverick,

AKA James Garner,

steps out of a hospital ward and into the camera

lens of head paparazzi Fred Borchardt

Chuck Connors with the rifle that cost Steve a tooth

Honorary Colonel Martha Raye in her Special Forces
uniform and beret

Mitchum's left eyebrow made nurses swoon

Mike Wallace shot us but we got away clean. Too bad the short wave radio

wasn't working

Miss Armed Forces Recruiting of 1962,

AKA Jane Fonda, some 10 years before her visit to North Vietnam. That's right. . . it's

Hanoi Jane. Father Henry visited the 24th Evac in '67.

Miss Raquel
Welch, being
the reigning
pinup queen
in Vietnam

at the time,
models the
outfit she
was wearing
in her first
Long Binh

appearance.
It's explained
in the book.

Noncombatant's Military ID card issued to Kevin Joseph Connors, AKA Chuck Connors, on 10 Apr 1967--

one day before visiting 24th Evac

Doctor Robert Hope psychoanalyzes patient Bret Maverick for TV show

prior to their Long Binh Daze

3. YOU TOO CAN BECOME A “DOC” IN 10 SHORT WEEKS
Forget all that killing stuff, now you’ll learn how to keep ‘em alive
4. BALLAD OF THE GREEN BRAWLERS
Surviving a close call with America’s Best, while avoiding severe pain
5. NAVY INTELLIGENCE WANTS TO ASK YOU SOME QUESTIONS
Why? Do they wanna make me a Frogman? I can’t swim!

6. HANDS UP OR I’LL HIT YOU WITH MY BILLY CLUB
One day you’re a lowly trainee, next day you’re fixin’ to bash heads

9. THEY STUCK YOUR HEAD IN A BUCKET OF WHAT?
Davy Jones' Locker. . . Getting there was definitely not half the fun
10. CHICKEN BONE WIDMANN AND THE OKINAWA FLASH
Could a tiny skeletal fragment alter the lives of over 1,000 troops?

12. JUST HOW BADLY SHOULD WE WOUND THEM, SIR?
We’re all non-combatants which means. . . no shooting to kill Charlie

13. ENJOY A LOVELY EVENING AT SUICIDE POINT
Hey Sarge, I’d like to volunteer for Suicide tonight

16. YA GOTTA RELEASE SOME OF THAT SEXUAL TENSION, SON
There were five ways to do it, not counting bestiality or necrophilia
17. A RAYE OF NO HOPE
Three times we narrowly miss Bob Hope and settle for Martha Raye
18. FREDDIE AND THE MORTAR FORKERS
We come up with a concrete proposal for becoming celebrities
20. ROBERT MITCHUM NEEDS TO LEARN HOW TO SALUTE
Hey, Mister Mitchum. . . why not take your shirt off and stay awhile?

23. COULD YOU REPEAT THAT IN FRENCH PLEASE?
There’s more than one way to skin a cat— if it can say “bonjour”

24. CHUCK CONNORS, YOU OWE ME A TOOTH
We tangle with none other than Bret Maverick and Lucas McCain

25. PRAYING FOR RAIN. . . AND RAQUEL WELCH
Weather permitting, she might do an encore performance for us

26. CAN YOU TEACH US SUMMA INGRISH?
We go to ARVN Headquarters to teach Ingrish to the ARVN’s

28. IF HIS KID MARRIED LBJ, SHE’D BE JANE FONDA JOHNSON
Henry didn’t sing, dance or tell jokes. What would he do in Nam?
29. IT’S A DEATH CARD. . . LETS CHARLIE KNOW WHO DID THIS
Why on earth is everyone carrying decks with only 51 cards in 'em?

30. HEY WAIT A MINUTE. . . THIS PATIENT'S COVERED WITH FUR
Queen Tonic, we have three WIA’s and a case of rabies onboard

32. WE GET SHOT BY MIKE WALLACE & LIVE TO TELL ABOUT IT
Atmospheric conditions aren’t cooperating today. . . try tomorrow

33. STUMPY’S LAST HURRAH
We’re out of ammo? Okay then, gimme some of those grenades

35. PLEASE LADIES, NO SQUATTING OVER THE TOILET SEATS
Yup, we're here to tell you you’ve been doing it wrong all your life

36. THANKS FOR THE MAMMARIES
Proving a slight mispronunciation can get you into lotsa hot water

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AT TOP OF THIS PAGE

Medal of Honor recipient

Kenneth E. Stumpf
("Stumpy" to his platoon mates)

was inducted with Steve and Fred in
Milwaukee in 1965. He's in the book,
along with stories

of his heroics

After the Zippo lighter incident,
Morley Safer of CBS started
packing heat to  protect himself from the US Marines. He's in the book.

Also getting into the act in '68 was Walter Cronkite himself, the "Most Trusted Man in America." In '67 he
saId on the air "Good evening, this is Walter Cronkite sitting in for Arnold Zenker." They're
both in the book.

Thirteen

years later, Dan Rather got Cronkite's job anchoring the CBS Evening News. Dan's not in the

book.

LONG DAZE AT LONG BINH:

A humorous memoir based on a true story

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